Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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