just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
