Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
