do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
