found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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