i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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