she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
