I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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