My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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