"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
