Your mouth is God's brothel.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
