i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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