i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
