So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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