seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
