Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
