i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
