then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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