toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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