Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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