Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
