Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
