Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
