I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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