i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
