I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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