i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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