yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
