Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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