how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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