Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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