you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
