I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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