i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Four minutes until I can fart!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
