you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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