I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
