im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
