just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
