Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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