Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
