This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
