I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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