i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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