Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize