dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
