Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
