My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
