I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
