Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize