New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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