Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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