I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
