it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know, be my cock's hype man.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
