i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
