I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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