New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
