mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
