in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
