I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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