sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
