The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
