I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
