a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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