5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
