i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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