literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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