I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
