my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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