I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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