god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I did not marry a roomba.
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