When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize