I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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