He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
