you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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