ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
