My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
