my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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